Becoming A Birthday Boy – Marty’s Internet Show (Season 3, Episode 2)

Becoming A Birthday Boy – Marty’s Internet Show (Season 3, Episode 2)


– Is it any good? – I guess it is. – Send me a link later. (earrape music) – You guys know what today is? – Is it the Queen’s birthday? – No, it’s not the Queen’s birthday. That was last week. – OJ’s release day? – [Marty] Isn’t he still in jail? – No, that’s wrong. – Black History Month. – Black History Month. That’s a whole month, man. No one knows? (mumbling) Marty’s birthday! – Oh! – You didn’t know, did you? I had a Famous Birthdays thing- okay, it doesn’t matter. Big party planned. Know Project X? – Mmhm. – We’re gonna get fucking shit up. Invite your friends, invite your family. Invite everybody. The whole town’s coming. We’re gonna get fucking slizzard! (upbeat electronic music) ♪ Marty has an internet ♪ ♪ Marty has an internet ♪ ♪ Marty has an internet ♪ ♪ Marty has an internet ♪ ♪ Marty has an internet ♪ I’ve only really had like
five birthdays in my life, four or five. When I was six, Aunt Thelma,
she had some bad cake. She died from food poisoning that day. When I was nine, little Cousin George, he was rammed by the
ram in the petting zoo. Intensive care for like seven weeks. When I was 18, my first
high school big party, the high school jocks made
me drink just warm piss. Everyone’s piss, just in a little cup. Last year, Brad, Brad got a restraining order
against Uncle Steve, you know. Slip of the hand. But this year, this year
I’m making it different. This year’s gonna be
the best birthday ever. (party toy squeals) You guys having fun? – Marty, this is boring as hell. Just have some alcohol,
look, I have some right here. – Some alcohol. – I have some right here. – Alcohol. – [Man] Yes. – No no. I don’t do drugs. I get high at life. – Marty, this party is fucking boring. – It’s fucking cool. – Have some, just have a little bit. – No. – Just have a little bit. – I don’t want (mumbles) – Have a little bit. – I don’t want any. – Just a little bit. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. – Just a little bit? Okay, fine. Have some more. – Hm? (Marty gargles) That fucking shit is good! More, more. (upbeat pop music) (upbeat pop music) I think that all (bleep) need
to be kicked off the planet. (crosstalk) Boat people, boat people! (crosstalk) Boat people! I’ve never really had alcohol in my life. I’m a pretty straight edge sort of guy, but you know tonight it was like, I really took things to the next level. Like when I was a boy, like, you know, when all the kids would go to the parties I was at home drinking Mountain Dew, playing some League Legends. But you know, now I’m
starting to like alcohol. And I figured out what
sort of drunk I am too. I’m not a loving drunk. I’m not like a caring drunk. I’m not like a crying drunk. I’m a really racist one. You know, since I’ve already
started with the alcohols, it’s time to move on to the next thing. Hard drugs. – [Kieen] You know, Marty, say what you want about Islamic state, but they’re the hardest workers I know. – Okay, I can live with that. Fine. – How are you, mate? – What have you got for us? – We got a few pingers. And we got smack already in the needles. – Who is this? – This is Greg. – Nice to meet you. I’m Homeless Greg. Also Drug Dealer Greg. – Oh really? You have two nicknames? Cool. – [Greg] Yeah. (mumbling) – There you go. – Sweet. – [Marty] He takes tyres. – This will work. Yeah, this will be great. All right, cool, have a good one. – [Man] Thanks. (crosstalk) So we come back to this? – Yeah, I’ll give you a discount. – [Marty] Discount. – Two or three. I’ll have one right now. – [Marty] You have one right now? – A few. – You know what, I think
this can really make the party really great. Homeless people, drugs. – [Jack] Invite him. – [Marty] He’s coming. You’re coming, aren’t you, Greg? (crosstalk) – [Man] Yeah! – [Marty] Xanny! – This is a Xanny, right? Okay, cool. One, two, three, four. ♪ Today is gonna be the day ♪ ♪ That you’re gonna throw it back to you ♪ ♪ By now you should have somehow ♪ ♪ Realised what you gotta do ♪ ♪ I don’t believe that anybody ♪ ♪ Feels the way I do about you now ♪ Best bit, ready? ♪ You know… ♪ (mumbling) I’ll just go from the chorus. ♪ I said maybe ♪ ♪ You’re gonna be the one that saves me ♪ – ♪ After all ♪ – ♪ After all ♪ – That’s right, guys. Yeah. ♪ You’re my wonderwall ♪ Okay, Greg, look. I’m gonna put the party a bit better now. We’re got a Kony 2012 hat. But first we got two shirts. First, number one. Ennui. Sponsored. You know? – What’s an Ennui? – Ennui. It’s Ennui actually. It’s a company that gives money… They syndicate… It’s either the Ennui shirt or… Shrek. Shrek is love, Shrek is life. Now I know which one I’d rather… – Shrek. – No, not the Shrek one, the other one. – Shrek. – No, not Shrek. No, not the… Not the… You want the Shrek shirt? – Yes, please. – You wanna fight about it? – Yes, please. (rock music) – I’ve got a .. I’ve got a lot of things
going with my life, but now I gotta fight homeless man. And hopefully you, Lightening, And you, Owen, you can help
me through this tough time. (rock music) (rock music) No! – All this and you just wanna fight. I’m taking everything. Put it in. It was a good thing you didn’t,
the bong would have spilt. – Hey, homeless Greg! (grunting) How do homeless people get so heavy? – I don’t know. (crosstalk) Okay. Let’s go, let’s go. – I wanted to check his wallet. Let me just… (laughter) – [Ben] Go, go, go! – [Marty] I think he’s gone. – [Jack] Where is he, where is he? – [All] Where is he? Where is he? (screaming) – You know, a lot of crazy
fucking shit went down tonight. A lot of new experiences, you know? Drank alcohol for the first time. Took some Xanny. That was pretty cool. Boxed a homeless guy. Played that song Wonderwall a few times. That was pretty cool. You know what? I think it’s pretty fair to say that this has been the best birthday ever. – Holy fuck, that was insane. – A good birthday. (crosstalk) I can’t believe it all. – But… – But? – But… I still have the drugs! – Drugs! Yay! (cheering) (upbeat electronic music) – High quality drugs? (maniacal laughter and gargling)

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